Captain’s Log
Wednesday, February 15th, 2023
Do you ever have those evenings when you decide that you want a cup of tea so you head to the kitchen to put the kettle on? While the kettle is coming to a boil you notice how filthy the counter is so wash it before you grab a tea bag and cup. Once the kettle boils you turn off Tiktok, pour the water and open the cupboard to get the honey for your tea. It’s at that moment you realize you forgot to pick some up while you were at the grocery store earlier today and now you’ll have to have unsweetened tea. Fucking Wednesday.
While the tea steeps you decided that you'd better make a list (that you will inevitably forget on the counter) of what you’ll need to grab tomorrow and add honey to it. While you’re at it you might as well take stock of the fridge and figure out what else you’ll inevitably forget to buy. You open the fridge and start throwing out all fruit your kids begged for but never ate and then add them to the list. You glance at the fridge door and notice the wine is low so you mark that down as an essential item.
Your tea is still too hot to drink so you head to the bathroom, better go pee before I settle into some Netflix, and notice a pile of laundry. Feeling like you are forgetting something you shrug, grab the laundry and decided to put a load on, which leads to you obsessively sorting the dirty clothes like the half-baked stoner you are before they can be laundered.
Walking past the mudroom you nearly trip to your death over your crotch goblins' footwear that they consistently leave everywhere. You angrily begin putting the shoes away while you curse their father as this is obviously a trait they inherited from him. You let the frenzied fury fuel you a bit longer and sort the coats and winter paraphernalia out while you're it, you have company coming tomorrow and god forbid they see that you live like every other normal person. You should remind yourself that these “guests” are your best friends, they know you're a pig and still love you, but you can’t fight the urge to make sure your house looks like a goddamn Pinterest board. You’re such a faker.
As your rage slowly dissipates to a gently crackling fire you remember your tea and head over for that frist sip. It's perfect, like hugging your unwilling teenager in front of their friends, and a feeling of peace washes over you. You curl up on the sofa with your laptop, tea and the dog and begin writing the blog post you’ve been avoiding all day.
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