Monday, April 19th, 2021

Captain’s Log

Tension was high aboard the S.S Shit Show this weekend, the crew and the shipwreck were all suffering from a bad case of cabin fever paired along with pandemic burnout. Two full days inside together was enough for all of us to want to jump ship. The reality of a third lockdown, remote learning and self-isolation had this crew on high alert. Good thing the sunshine came out on Saturday as it was getting a bit stuffy on board.

On a positive note, we are over halfway done with Relic’s self-isolation and both his test have come back negative. His birthday was on the 17th and aside from having to stay in his cabin, or 6 feet away from everyone, I think he had a pretty decent day. Although I think he would have loved to have passed on the birthday nose swab.

Number 2 outdid himself as usual and put on an amazing dinner. The Dutchess made the most amazing ice cream cake. We did our best to make sure that he had a great day despite the crummy circumstances.

I am sad to report that there was a minor incident during work duty this weekend. I decided to try and burn some yard waste and got a little too close. I managed to singe the front of my hair (again) and any new growth was burned off. Fortunately, it’s not overly noticeable. I did however make an interesting discovery, it appears grey hair is fire retardant. Not only do I not have any wisps of hair left but I now look like bonnie rate, with a perfect stripe of grey running down one side of my part.

Hair torching aside the weekend was an excellent start to the yard work season. Both crew members were so thrilled to be back at it. Relic was beyond excited to be building me more raised veggie beds and the Dutchess loved pulling weeds. Seeing their snarling faces as they worked really brightened my day.

I feel it prudent to report some strange irregularities occurring with The Dutchess recently. Over the past couple of days, we have experienced several voluntary interactions with her where she exits her cabin without being asked. This phenomenon began last week when she arrived in the mess hall well before dinner time to greet Number 2 when he returned from work. She even greeted him with a “ Hi Daddy, how was your day?” Poor Number 2 was so shocked that he had to sit down and gather himself.

This evening she followed a similar pattern and not only suggested walking the dog with me but she also was present to greet Number 2 again this evening. I can’t decided if we are about to be punked or if she’s wanting me to purchase something. I will keep you posted.

I hope everyone is keeping well. I miss your face.