Monday, February 3rd, 2021

Captain's Log

I am pleased to report that I got the last bowl of chocolate ice-cream last night before Relic came through on his nightly raid of the pantry. I savored each and every last bite, all the while gleefully anticipating the scene that would occur when he discovered what I'd done. Let me tell you I was not disappointed.

Around 9p.m, right on schedule I heard his cabin door open and him make his way to the mess hall. I turned to Number 2 and smiled. As predicted we could hear him opening and closing drawers, grabbing a spoon and surprisingly a bowl before opening the freezer. There was the briefest of pauses before an annoyed voice yelled;

"SERIOUSLY! Mom, you guys ate all the ice-cream!" to which I replied between giggles " I sure did."

Best Part Of My Day.

It's very rare that any food lasts more than a few days on this shipwreck, as my crew can chew through snacks like they've got tapeworms. I often can't decided if I'm horrified or in awe of their ability to pack food away, especially Relic. He can eat a whole farm worth of food at dinner, complain of cramps and then an hour later come upstairs like a bear out of hibernation and eat all the food in the pantry and then polish off the boxes it came in.

The Dutchess has chosen this week to level up her teenage charm once again, and seems to enjoy demonstrating these advanced skills as often as possible. Top marks were rewarded for her exemplary abilities in arguing her way through any and all verbal communications had today.

She also is beginning to shows natural talent in intimidation tactics, unfortunately Number 2 had to be the one to experience her fierce side eye on multiple occasions. He is tempted to lodge a formal complaint if it continues.

Speaking of complaints, She has logged a few about me this week;

1. She is very dissatisfied with the way in which I wake her up in the mornings. She suggests that I don't use my morning voice or speak to her at all.

2. My singing is terrible and I don't know the words to songs so I should " just stop"

3. Waving while driving is embarrassing, especially if she goes to school with them.

4. My trying to engage in conversation before 9am is annoying.

5. I am not to antagonize her anymore by wishing her a good day at school, she finds it mean and uncaring. Also, telling her I love her is annoying.

6. Lunches are in need of improvement.

7. My insistence that ankle socks and converse are not winter appropriate is not appreciated and she is "Fine" and "not cold"

8. There is never any good food to eat. (I logged this complaint under Relics file)

I have informed her that all complaints have been noted however I will continue to embarrass and annoy her for the rest of my life because, I love her and that's my job.

She rolled her eyes. It was a good week.