Captain’s Log
After what I can only describe as a summer-long sabbatical for “soul searching” (or let’s be honest, an attempt to just get my shit together), I have returned. Not that I meant to take the summer off—no, that was purely accidental. Inspiration packed its bags, waved a cheerful goodbye, and left me blankly staring at my computer screen.
As the reigning queen of self-sabotage, I convinced myself that I had absolutely nothing left to say. I was this close to throwing in the towel and riding off into the sunset of creative defeat. But somewhere in the midst of growing my business and pretending everything was fine, I realized I missed the connection and the creative spark. Thus began my summer of “self-discovery”—spoiler alert: I have ADHD. Explains so much. And like any good plot twist, this came with a side of emotional upheaval that I was not ready for.
And like any good revelation, this one came with a bonus round of emotional chaos. Apparently, after 20 years of emotional numbness (thank you, anxiety meds), I now have the full buffet of feelings on display. I cry now. It’s gross. I went from the emotional range of a dried-up sponge to Niagara Falls, and it’s truly something to behold. Who knew there were this many emotions to be had?
Number 2—always a grounding force—has been kindly reminding me that this is just the price I pay for feeling things again. Apparently, the new plan is to learn to sit with my feelings. Sounds delightful, doesn’t it?
Oh, and just to keep things spicy, my hormones have decided to join the party too. Enter: Perimenopause. It’s like I’m living through puberty 2.0 but with more sweat and fewer questionable fashion choices. I don’t know who this body belongs to anymore, but I’d like to file a formal complaint.
Let’s review: Red wine? Off the table—it keeps me up. White wine? Heartburn city. Coffee? Makes me feel like I’m going to combust. I’m now somehow both a night owl and an early riser (because why not?), and there’s a fun new 15-pound cushion around my middle that wasn’t there two years ago. I sweat all the time like I’m permanently stuck in a hot yoga class. Also, can someone please explain the itchy ears? No? Cool.
If you ask me a question, there’s a solid chance I’ll leave you on “heard.” If we make plans and I don’t write them down immediately, you can bet your ass I’m going to forget. My joints ache, and I’ve officially embraced the holy trinity of adulthood: Tylenol, Tums, and THC.
So, welcome back to the Shit Show. I’ve missed you.
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