Captain’s Log
Summer has come to an end and I must admit I’m thrilled, end of summer means my pirate crew goes back to school and I can finally have the house to myself. It was the most magical feeling, the best day of 2021 so far!
I will report there were a few weepy moments for me. Relic started grade 12 and the duchess grade 9. How is it possible that my kids are both high schoolers? I sound like my mother, but shit, where did the time go?
Number 2 and I decided to take the crew on a family fun-filled trip to Niagara on the Lake for the long weekend. The crew were predictably annoyed they were stuck with their commanding officers on a long weekend instead of their friends, but honestly, we didn’t care, we wanted a family weekend. Parenting perk, kids have to do what we tell them.
We pretended that we didn’t notice the huffs and disgruntled mumblings, and just smiled extra annoyingly. We knew once we got to where we were headed they’d come around, unfortunately.
I wish I could report that it was smooth sailing on our voyage to our destination but that would be falsifying records.
Number 2 spent a large portion of the drive arguing with the navigation system, not liking the route she planned, constantly questioning it and asking if she (the inanimate object) was drunk. I chose that moment to ask him he’d like me to drive while he navigated, even though I had already made the suggestion before we left. He assured me he was “fine”, so I closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep.
Unfortunately, I was unable to actually catch a nap as the crew had their earphones at max volume. It was so annoying, this honestly has to be one of my top pet peeves, I hate duelling stereos. Each time I had to ask them to turn the volume down a burning red hot rage boiled inside me. By the end of the trip my head rotated 360 degrees and I started breathing fire.
Feeling a smidge of guilt for the crew’s displeasure, and wanting to selfishly spend time with them, we decided to surprise the crew with a good old fashion family fun picnic lunch. I am sad (although not surprised ) to report the crew was less than thrilled with the pit stop.
When they discovered we packed a homemade lunch of sandwiches and veggie sticks the whispers of mutiny began. It would seem they assumed that drive-through was on the menu.
Number 2 suggested that since they couldn’t be any more annoyed by our existence, that we take the opportunity to hike. We chose a place that I knew would speak to their immature adolescent sense of humour, Balls Falls, Number 2 and I giggled so hard. The crew however did not find the entire adventure fun at all. In fact, they filed multiple complaints. Relic confessed he had enjoyed too much time ashore over the last few days and was more interested in sleeping the entire drive than a hike. The Duchess however chose to imply that her displeasure was in fact my fault and not due to teenage angst. She gave the Balls a less than stellar review, calling them “small and unimpressive.”
Despite the rocky start to our vacation we ended up arriving all in one piece, and my womb gremlins actually had a good time. I think this was largely due to the spoiling their grandparents and auntie bestowed upon them all weekend. Why is it kids are always nicer to other people than to their parents?
We spent Friday feasting at Ruffino’s, and Saturday exploring Niagra Falls. The Power station is a new attraction there and Number 2 was beyond excited to check it out. He and Relic geeked out on all the cool engineering marvels, while the Dutchess kept up her Snap Streaks.
So thankful my wonderful step-sister and family hosted our pirate crew for the weekend. I am pleased to report that despite the pantry raids, internet consumption and towels on the floors we have been invited back. Bravo Crew, this is a team win, first time as houseguests since COVID-19 and we nailed it.
Back aboard the ship, the crew has successfully gone back to school!
I am one Happy Captain x
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